Gay Sex & DF
The Art Of Taking Things Slow
By Alex Orue
Two weeks of dating and already it has me all stressed out. Not because of him, but me. Yeah, I know it sounds like a cliche, but this time I mean it.
Everything was going great. We even missed each other out madly if we couldn’t spend the night together, until I fucked it up. How? Well, it all started on our way to the movies at Perisur Mall, as we took the bus, a couple of bus stations ahead a middle aged man got on right behind me. As my date and I talked for a few minutes I couldn’t help myself from noticing a really bad smell coming from someone behind me. I really didn’t see the man, I just smelled him from high above my height (thank Cher I’m tall). I must say this first: I have a really good sense of smell. Way too good, sometimes. So naturally, that smell really bothered me. As I’m used to travel around the city by subway, I thought I could just ignore it. But no, I couldn’t help to make it obvious and say stuff about it. Ralph, my date, saw it all from a better perspective than I did. I might’ve made a few comments about the smell and the dirty nails the man had (I could see them right next to my hand as he was holding himself from the same rail as I was). I only had a peek of the man in question and saw nothing strange about him except his nails. I ended up moving away from him and that was it. At least, to me.
Then, we went on to our dreadful date. Went to the food court and head off to watch a movie (I was watching The Wolf Of Wall Street for the third time cause it Leo DiCaprio is THAT good and Ralph hadn’t seen it, yet). It was dreadful because there was something different. Something had changed. All of the sudden we weren’t us. We had seen each other barely two weeks and pretty much on a daily basis and out of the blue we were awkward with each other. I couldn’t point my finger on what the issue was (and I pride myself in reading people easily). All I knew was that it might be it.
A day passed by and we were distant, even through texts. We didn’t see each other that day, but the next morning I tried to reach out (through texts, obviously) to ask whether we were fine or not and what I got was “we need to take it slow”.
Don’t feel bad for me. I felt the same way, I didn’t want to rush things and I already had met his sister (and his parents are coming to town this weekend!). So, I felt relieved that we got that out of our chests. We could finally move on without the awkwardness that hunted us on our last date… Well, not so much. As it turns out, the episode of the smelly guy on the bus the other day had really pissed him off. Why? Because smelly-guy was in fact a homeless man… I felt like shit. My attitude that day smelled worse.
How could I not noticed that? Why did I have to open my big mouth and sound like a jerk?! In all honestly, with the corner of my eye all I saw was a man with dirty nails and a bad smell. I never saw the clothing or anything else that would give me a hint that he was in need. Besides, the bus fare is quite high (for Mexico City’s standards) so I never thought he would be homeless… Ok, I’m gonna stop myself here before I fuck this up even more. There’s no excuse.
I feel awful about how I acted. I would never be so condescended with anybody. I even volunteered to help homeless people back in my days in Vancouver. There’s no a single bone in me that would make me act like a jerk with anybody… But of course, once an asshole, always an asshole. Or at least that’s how I feel.
I’ve only been seeing this guy for two weeks, and already I’m the asshole in the relationship. Great.
He said he wouldn’t tell me right away cause he didn’t feel close enough to be so straight forward with me. To what I replied “I can take it”. But can I really? It’s been just a few hours after that conversation and it’s still eating me from within. I know I’m a good person, but I really looked awful in front of him. Will he be able to see that that’s not me? Can I clean my image? How long will it take? How much is it gonna cost me? I mean, it ain’t like I cheated on him, right?
Secretly I’m hoping he screws up so I don’t look that bad… Wow, maybe I’m not that good of a person after all.
My reasons to take things slow have to do with the fact that in less than two weeks I know much of his circle of friends and his sister (I’m still not sure how are we gonna handle his parent’s visit). His reason to take things slow? Well, he saw an ugly action of mine, which understandably might look like that’s an ugly side of me, and he wants to get to know the other sides that might be a problem before we get more involve in this… Ouch.
Yesterday I talked about the CTS (Communication, Trust & Sex). We are taking things slow on the sex thing. I trust he’s gonna be honest about how he feels about us, so we can avoid as much drama as possible. Communication? I guess it’s a working process. More of my side, I would say. I must communicate that I’m not defined by that single action. But I can’t help but wonder: to what extent do our actions, no matter if it’s a mistake, define our persona?