You Can’t Pray Away the Gay…
Dan Savage comments:
…but can you gay away the pray? That’s an open question. What isn’t a question anymore—what should never have been a question, and what certainly isn’t a question I’m going to tolerate after this morning—is whether “ex-gay” ministries and quack therapists can “change” a person’s sexual orientation. Here’s Lisa Ling on The View today:
Lisa Ling: The truth of the matter is that he, and people who are part of the Exodus movement - we spent a lot of time with them, got exclusive access into the Exodus movement - they say that you can’t completely turn it off, you can’t change your sexual orientation. But you can try to live a life according to what the Bible says, with help.
Barbara Walters: You talked to a great many people, as you say all around the country.
Do you think it is possible to change your sexuality, is that what you’ve come to as a conclusion.
Lisa Ling: Even the head of Exodus says he doesn’t believe you can change your sexual orientation. He says that he constantly has to fight his attraction for men.
So… the head of the largest “ex-gay” ministry in the country told Ling that it’s impossible to change your sexual orientation, and admitted that he—after twenty years of being involved with Exodus—is still attracted to men. This is the same guy who once said, “The opposite of homosexuality isn’t heterosexuality. It’s holiness.” As John points out, Exodus and other anti-gay “ministries” aren’t in the business of making gay people straight. (And it is a business.) They’re in the business of making gay people celibate. It would be amusing if they didn’t employ spiritual violence to terrorize weak gay people and if they didn’t hold up their own “ex-gayness” as proof that gay people don’t deserve full civil equality. No one has to be gay, the argument goes, so no need for gay people to be treated like citizens. (No one has to be Jewish either—your point is?)
But, hey, if gay people are ex-gay when they’re not having gay sex… then that means most gay people are ex-gay most of the time.
Dan Savage comments:
Don’t have time to pick apart Ross Douthat’s column in today’s NYT. (Guess what? I’m on an airplane, and the doors are closing.) But I do want to toss this out there…
A lot of those blissfully happy people in monogamous long-term relationships—and it seems odd to credit monogamy for their happiness instead of the personality traits and interpersonal skills that allowed them to form those long-lasting partner bonds—actually aren’t in monogamous relationships. People cheat and they don’t always inform their partners and spouses; and just as premarital sex isn’t a modern phenomenon, cheating—and getting away with it—isn’t exactly a new thang.
Perhaps some studies have found a high correlation between monogamy and happiness. But have those studies compared people in successful, long-term non-monogamous relationships with people in successful, long-term non-monogamous relationships? I suspect not. I’d wager that most-if-not-all of these studies have compared people in long-term monogamous relationships—or people in what they believe to be monogamous relationships—to people who aspired to be in stable monogamous relationships and failed, e.g. people who have gone from one failed monogamous startup relationship to the next. These studies would have very little tell us very little about how honest, ethical non-monogamy stacks up against traditionally monogamous relationship models.
Ok, now I know what to order next time I go to a pub. (Via Joe.My.God.)
What Celery Does To Straight Dudes
Ok, now I know what to order next time I go to a pub.
Huckabee: Icky Things Happen In The Bedrooms Of Same-Sex Couples
Dan Savage comments:
Look, Mike, I get it. You think gay people are icky and gay sex makes your eyes bug out. That’s fine. I totally understand where you’re coming from: cunnilingus gives me the willies and I’d rather see my own intestines wound onto a spool than see you fuck your wife. I don’t wanna see what’s going on in your bedroom—even if it’s just sleep—anymore than you wanna see what’s going on in mine.
But it’s like this, Mike: people shouldn’t be discriminated against because other people don’t wanna see ‘em fuck.
And answer the man’s question: How does denying marriage rights to the same-sex couple down the street make the single mother up the street any more likely to marry the father of her children? How does discriminating against gay people make straight people more responsible? How does that work?
Dan Savage at U of Montana: How To
Avoid Developing A Porn Addiction In Montana.
A message to all small-town gay men.
Dan Savage Lands MTV Pilot
Entertainment Weekly reports:
Savage Love may be coming to MTV. Columnist Dan Savage is working on an advice show for the network. MTV has ordered a pilot that follows Savage as he tours college campuses giving his brand of brutally honest (and sometimes graphic) sex and relationship advice. In the format, Savage takes questions from an auditorium audience (similar to his recently completed college tour).No start date for the show has been revealed.